Many people dream big, talk big, but ironically only a few actually do big things. The majority keep procrastinating by making excuses like, “I am waiting for the right time, for money to come and for help to appear.” Big dreams are only seen by those who begin the process by doing something in the midst of impossibilities. Nothing will ever happen until you start. For an example, I have been dreaming for years about writing motivational books. I kept talking big about the books I am going to write that will inspire many. But sadly nothing happened because I was not doing anything. My thoughts and words began to turn into fruition the day I started to put pen to paper. Today, the second edition of my book, Being Positive In A Negative World: spiced weekly nugget has been completed. I am now seeing the manifestation of my dream. And there is nothing as fulfilling as hearing others saying that my book is making a difference in their lives. One thing I have learned is that if you don’t start the engine, the car will not move. So, if you want to turn your dreams into reality start doing something in spite of the challenges you are experiencing.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Luggage for 2011
Sy Tshabalala December 31 at 5:36am
As we prepare ourself to board the plane that is taking us to 2011, its important to know that not everything is supposed to be packed in our luggage. Certain things and people are supposed to be left behind. We need to leave behind our negative attitude, bad habits, past painful experiences, fears, failures, disappointments, ungrateful and selfish friends, abusive and unfaithful partners and misleading and bad company. Remember what you don't discard will continue following you like dirty smelling sneakers. What we need to pack is the following items in order to enjoy the journey: positive attitude, honest and caring friends, loving and supporting partners, positive and exciting dreams and positive and empowering habits. Enjoy the journey and i wish you all the best in 2011.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Friends
WEEK 20
In the 1980's there was a popular television series, called the lone ranger. The series was about a character that went about helping people by protecting them from criminals. The lone ranger spent most of his time moving from one town to another protecting the weak and enforcing the law. One thing about the lone ranger was that he didn't have friends nor family. He spent most of his time alone with his horse. The lone ranger was more appealing as a character on the television series but in the real world he would have struggled as a person, because truly speaking it is difficult to go through life as a loner. This is evident in the story below.
Two men were walking through the desert to their camp on the other side. It was very hot and the heat was taking its toll on them. Their water supply was drying up with each kilometer and after walking for some time on the searing heat of the desert, one of the men, John started slowing down. His companion, Dave, who was in a hurry didn't even bother to wait for him. What was in his mind was to reach the camp before sunset. He quickly streaked ahead and left John behind. Far ahead he saw another man writhing in pain with a swollen ankle, and instead of stopping and helping the injured man, he opted to continue with his journey. His companion who was left behind came and even though he was tired, stopped and offered help to the injured stranger by carrying him on his back. The injured man was grateful and he took out a bottle of water from his bag and gladly shared it with his rescuer though unaware that John had run out of water. The two continued with their journey at a tortoise pace, busy sharing jokes and encouraging each other. Along the way, they saw something that looked like a human being lying on the sand. They continued walking and when they got there, they found that it was Dave, who had earlier left them behind and had even refused to help the injured man. Upon close scrutiny, they discovered that he had died from thirst. His death was as a result of his selfishness and reluctance to help others. The moral of the story is that you can't go through the marathon of life as a lone ranger. Learn from the wise words found in an African proverb, which says, if you want to go fast go alone and if you want to go far go with others. Life is more bearable when we walk with others. We all need people in our lives.
Every one of us needs friends in order to live meaningfully in the journey called life. Friends have an important role to play in our lives. We need friends that we can share ideas and advices with; friends, who can comfort us when we are hurting, rejoice with us when we are happy and confront us when we are wrong. Because friends are to human beings, what water is to a fish. As part of our humanity, we are born as social beings. That is why when a prisoner misbehaves in prison, he is usually placed in solitary confinement as a means of punishment. The prison authorities understand the importance of social interaction. They know the effects of social deprivation and how it could be utilized to straighten a troublesome inmate. During the Apartheid era, the political prisoners were placed in solitary confinement as a way of weakening their spirit and to silence their voices. Most of the people who have spent their lives as recluses have been found many a time to be abnormal. It is essential for everybody to have friends in their lives.
But what is important is to know that not everybody can be a friend. You can't be friends with people who mislead you by encouraging you to get involved in illegal activities that would put your life in danger. You can't be friends with those who expose your nakedness, by turning your struggles into biscuits that they happily go around sharing with others over a cup of tea. You don't need friends who are in competition by trying at every given moment to outperform you in the race of life. You don't need friends who are merely interested in you when everything is going fine and immediately when problems come knocking in your life; they quickly disappear like snow when the sun starts appearing.
What we really need are friends who will see value in us by giving encouragement when we are down, correct us when we are wrong, congratulate us when we have done something great, wipe our tears when we are crying, and defend us when we are attacked. What we really need are friends who will be honest with us even if it means hurting us in the process of correcting and building us; friends who will be there, when it is sunny, cold, raining and dark in our life.
Throughout my life, I have met a lot of people, but there was this one person who really stood out. This was one of my great friends that I unfortunately lost because I didn't really acknowledge and treasure our friendship. I remember the time I got sick during the festive season and ended up in Kalafong hospital. True to our friendship, my friend kept vigil at my hospital bed. He sacrificed his personal joy just to be with me during the hour of need. And after my release from hospital he kept visiting while I was convalescing at home. When I got back to my feet, some of my so called friends, who were nowhere to be found during my ordeal started showing up. And immediately I got caught up in my newly acquired attention, that I started neglecting my friend. This went on for some time until my friend disappeared unnoticed from my life. And as one English proverb rightfully puts it,” we never know the worth of water until the well is dry.” It was only later in my life when I was a little bit wiser that I realized that I had lost a great friend. This unfortunate experience became a lesson that taught me to treasure and appreciate my friends. Because real friends are as scarce as precious stones and reliable like crutches you can use to steady yourself during your season of limping.
We need friends like what the two soldiers, who were also friends, were to each other during the Second World War. After eight months of joining the army, the two friends were shipped to the battle field. When they arrived, they were greeted with hostile gun fire from the enemy. For the following days, they survived by crawling during the day and tiptoeing at night. The battle became intense as they were advancing towards the enemy camp and they came under heavy artillery. One of the two friends was badly injured and it was just a matter of time before he died. The Captain who was leading the group realized that they were in harm's way. He could not figure out the position of the enemy, who was shooting at them. So, he instructed his men to retreat. The soldier who was badly injured was left in front of enemy battle lines. There was no way he could be rescued without compromising the lives of the other soldiers. His friend refused to retreat with the other soldiers when he heard the command from their captain; he started crawling to his bleeding friend, much to the chagrin of his captain. His rescue attempt was too risky especially with bullets whistling above his head.
But his mind was made up; there was nothing that was going to stop him, not even the bullets from the machine guns nor the shouting of his captain behind him. He continued crawling until he reached his bleeding friend. The badly injured soldier smiled when he saw his friend and he said to him, “I knew you would come back for me”. After that he gasped his last breath and died. And even though the soldier who took a risk could not save his friend’s life, what he did was to show his commitment to their friendship by turning back to be with him in the last seconds of his life. He showed his friend and everybody who was watching what real friendship meant.
We need friends like that, friends who will always be there for us; friends who will influence us to live positively in a world dominated by negativity. Because real friends are more valuable than diamonds, more expensive than gold, priceless like water and they are as important as oxygen is to our lives. I would like to end by quoting the following words once spoken by boxing great, Muhammad Ali, “Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.”
Friday, November 12, 2010
The winter season of life
There are times in our lives when nothing seems to make sense and hope is the last thing in our minds. Times when everything appears to be worse and success seem to be missing in our vocabulary. This is what former President of South Africa, Nelson Mandela endured while doing time in prison as an inmate before he rose up to be the world's celebrated statesman. This is what Abram Lincoln experienced before he became the President of The United States of America. This is what Tyler Perry had to deal with early in his life when he was an unknown, discouraged and struggling young man before he grew up into being a successful movie mogul. This is what Colonel Harlan Sanders battled with before he struck it rich with his Kentucky fried chicken recipe. This is what Dr David Yongi Cho had to overcome before he became the founder and Pastor of the church with the biggest congregation in the world. You may be down there, discouraged, weary and in a hopeless state. Just know that you are not the first nor the only one to encounter the storms of life. The above mentioned people experienced the hurting blows of life on the way to greatness. You can become part of their list by staying alive and doing what will lead you to your place of destiny. The world is waiting with bated breath for your appearance. Everuything will start making sense the day you reach your destiny.
The Richest place in the world
The richest place in the woprld is not the gold fields of South Africa, the coal mines of China, the oil fields of Saudi Arabia nor the diamond fields of Botswana. But it's the grave, our cemeteries are overflowing with a lot of undiscovered treasure that remain buried. There are plans that were never implemented, businesses that were never established, songs that were never sung, movies that were never made, books that were never written and dreams that were never fulfilled. It's a tragedy that more and more people are daily buried with their undiscovered and uncelebrated talents. You owe it to yourself to make the most of your life. You are too talented to remain ordinary. There is so much within you that you need to share with the world.Don't allow routine, past failures, fears, familiarity and your limitations to stop you from uncovering the wealth that is buried within you. Live your life to the fullest.
The Richest place in the world
The richest place in the woprld is not the gold fields of South Africa, the coal mines of China, the oil fields of Saudi Arabia nor the diamond fields of Botswana. But it's the grave, our cemeteries are overflowing with a lot of undiscovered treasure that remain buried. There are plans that were never implemented, businesses that were never established, songs that were never sung, movies that were never made, books that were never written and dreams that were never fulfilled. It's a tragedy that more and more people are daily buried with their undiscovered and uncelebrated talents. You owe it to yourself to make the most of your life. You are too talented to remain ordinary. There is so much within you that you need to share with the world.Don't allow routine, past failures, fears, familiarity and your limitations to stop you from uncovering the wealth that is buried within you. Live your life to the fullest.
The other side of disappointments
We have all experienced disappointments one way or the other. Some of the disappointments includes losing your job,being betrayed by someone you trust, experiencing the break up of a relationship and failing to realise your dreams. Disappointments always leave us in pain. But what we need to know is that there are two sides to every thing under the sun. The other side of the word disappointment is an appointment with destiny. One man encountered this, after being fired from his job and as he was murmuring about how unfair he was treated by his employers. His wife immediately reminded him that it was about time he wrote the book he has been planning for ages. The man was reluctant at first but after a lot of encouragement from his wife, he finally put pen to paper. The book he wrote ended up becoming a best seller thus opening up a new path for him as an author. Another man experienced disappointment after being injured as a player before an important football match and while pondering about his next move he was invited by a friend to join them on an outreach program that was going to take place on the same weekend. The man felt it was better to join his friend rather than going to the match. It just happened that during the outreach he met a young woman who later in life became his wife. His disappointment of not playing ended up becoming an appointment with destiny. Remember everything happens for a reason, look on the other side of your disappointments and you will encounter an appointment with destiny.
Yes/No
The two most powerful words in the world is Yes and No. Both words have contributed either to the demise or success of many. What is important is knowing how to use them profitably in your life. Successful people have learned when to say Yes and when to say No. But sadly for the struggling masses, both words have been used wrongly, thus many have ended up in debts, pain and regret. Many have accommodated wrong people, done wrong things and gone to wrong places. The wrong usage of these words have cost them dearly. Therefore think before you say yes or no. Remember the Yes and No you are making today will determine the kind of future you will find yourself tomorrow. Yes and No are like keys that can either lock you in the prison of misery or open the doors to the palace of your destiny.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Jack of all trades
One of the most self defeating mondsets is trying to do everything in your lifetime. Many try to attain success by getting entangled in a lot of activities without success. What the busy majority don't notice is that the few successful ones have learned to master one or two things. Just look at the following people, when you mention Tiger Woods, the sport of golf comes into mind, Michael Jackson- music, Denzil Washington-movies, David Beckham-Soccer, Hugo Boss- designer, Anthony Robbins-Motivation, Donald Trump- Real estate, Bill Gates-Microsoft, Vince Mcmahon-Wrestling,Orprah Winfrey-Talkshow, Michael Schumacher- Motor racing and Naomi Campbell-Modelling. Looking at these examples, it is quite clear that you can become great by learning to excell in one thing. Remember, a jack of all trades always remain a master of none. Do what you were born for and the world will pay you handsomely. I will like to leave you with these profound words spoken by world reknown speaker and author, Dr Myles Munroe, "You were not born or created to do everything"
Jack of all trades
One of the most self defeating mondsets is trying to do everything in your lifetime. Many try to attain success by getting entangled in a lot of activities without success. What the busy majority don't notice is that the few successful ones have learned to master one or two things. Just look at the following people, when you mention Tiger Woods, the sport of golf comes into mind, Michael Jackson- music, Denzil Washington-movies, David Beckham-Soccer, Hugo Boss- designer, Anthony Robbins-Motivation, Donald Trump- Real estate, Bill Gates-Microsoft, Vince Mcmahon-Wrestling,Orprah Winfrey-Talkshow, Michael Schumacher- Motor racing and Naomi Campbell-Modelling. Looking at these examples, it is quite clear that you can become great by learning to excell in one thing. Remember, a jack of all trades always remain a master of none. Do what you were born for and the world will pay you handsomely. I will like to leave you with these profound words spoken by world reknown speaker and author, Dr Myles Munroe, "You were not born or created to do everything"
Excerpts from my book (week13)
Focus determines the direction and success of any person, group or organization. It is the missing ingredient in many people’s lives and is therefore what separates champions from losers, achievers from failures. As the common saying goes, “good girls go to heaven while bad girls go everywhere”. This means that people who are focused know where they are going, while the less focused go everywhere.
Predators, like lions, understand the power of focus. Whenever a lion encounters a group of zebras during its hunting expedition, it immediately focuses on one zebra. And during the chase, the lion ignores the other zebras but continues pursuing the one zebra it has chosen. And no matter how fast the zebra may run, the lion continues with its pursuit. The zebra might even seem to be outrunning other zebras but in spite of its efforts, the lion would continue the chase like a missile until it catches its prey. A lion knows that whatever it focuses on, it would eventually get.
So, like a lion, focus on one zebra (projects, tasks and goals) at a time. Pursue one thing at a time. Even though your prey might try to outrun you, stick to it. Let your hunger for success be the fuel that would power you into chasing and finally catching the zebra you have been whole heartedly focusing on. Take note that the greatest asset to success is focus and the greatest distraction that leads to failure is broken focus. You will never achieve anything, if you keep on chasing everything. My mother in-law and my wife have this habit of trying to do a lot of things at a go, and what happens is that they always struggle to finish what they have started. One thing about them is that they have this mentality of wanting to see things done. Their biggest challenge is that they want to chase many zebras at a time. What has happened is that they have always battled without success even to catch one zebra. Their situation is clearly explained in a Zambian proverb which says, he who paddles two canoes, sinks. So, in trying to help them, I told my wife that they need to adopt the attitude of a post stamp and stick to one thing. What I have observed is that success and progress tend to show up when you focus on one goal at a time.
Most of the richest people, who have graced this world, learned the principle of being focused. Those who are focused are able to achieve a lot more in life than those who are not focused. By being focused, one would be able to overcome distractions. Focus brings direction and the power to pursue what is desired. Where there is focus, procrastination, confusion, stagnancy and hopelessness disappears and progress and his partner, prosperity, end up appearing on the scene. Focus helps us to concentrate our energy on what needs to be done instead of wasting our resources on things that are of less importance.
A life without focus is full of indecisiveness, distractions and misery. If you are not happy with your life, add the ingredient of focus, and before you know it, you would be empowered to pursue your dreams. What you focus on would become your reality. Employ focus as a driver to your future. Let focus introduce you to progress and prosperity. Allow focus to change the make-up of your life. Those who focus on their dreams become what they desire while those who focus on their limiting environment remain what they despise. Focus is like a physical training instructor who would help you in getting your body into shape. Don’t delay when you have the means to depart by being focused on where you are aspiring to be. Subscribe to the winners’ club and let focus be your access key to the list of successful people. Whatever you focus on whether good or bad, you will end up attracting. If you focus on what you don't like or don't have, you would remain a citizen of what you despise but if you focus your energy on what you want, you would ultimately become a path finder towards your dreams.
I have always wondered why certain people are able to overcome the storms that have destroyed others but after spending some time studying the lives of those who have managed to triumph in spite of their hardships. I discovered that successful people focus on what they are desiring and not what they are going through. They spend their time and effort focusing on the end result of their dreams and not the process of their struggles. They concentrate on solutions and not problems.
This is what the Americans learned from their Russians counterparts during their earlier expeditions to the moon. Both teams of astronauts encountered a problem of taking notes for research purposes while in space because their pens wouldn’t work at zero gravity. The problem was that no ink could flow down to the writing surface. In their bid to solve the problem the Americans spent ten years and more than 12 million dollars in developing a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater and in a temperature ranging from below freezing to over 300 degrees Celsius. And while the Americans were hard at work, the Russians without raising a sweat decided to use a pencil instead. In a nutshell, the Russians saved themselves a fortune by focusing on the solution and not the problem.
It is quite clear that if we learn to focus on where we are going we will not be derailed by our intimidating and discouraging circumstances. It is important to train ourselves to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel and not the dark tunnel that we sometimes find ourselves in, because if we want to win in life, we have to focus our attention on the place of our dreams and desires and not our current journey of hardships and hopelessness. We have to focus on the by-product of our faith and not the wind of our fears.
To sum up my order of discourse, I want you to know that your life will always be shaped by what you focus your attention on. Therefore focus on your dreams and not your struggles, focus on your success and not your failure, focus on your abilities and not your limitations, focus on where you are going and not where you come from, focus on your future and what you have to do to get there and lastly focus on yourself and not what others are doing around you.
Drivers and passengers
There are two kinds of people in the world. Namely, drivers and passengers. The difference between the two is that drivers are those who make things to happen. They are architects of their own destiny. Drivers take 100 percent responsibilty for what is happening in their lives. They are builders, leaders and creators of their own desired environment. Drivers decides who rides with them (friends) in their journey of life. They decide where they are going and how they want their future to be. They embrace change. They are positive, visionary, innovative and positive about life. While on the other hand, passengers are full of excuses, they play the blame game, they are hopeless, defeated and discouraged. Passengers continue to allow others to dictate to them. They are caught up in the routine of contributing to other people's dreams
It is sad to notice that the struggling masses who are trying to make a living as passengers will continue to be dominated by the successful few who are enjoying life as drivers.
As i conclude i want you to check whether you are a driver or a passenger.
It is sad to notice that the struggling masses who are trying to make a living as passengers will continue to be dominated by the successful few who are enjoying life as drivers.
As i conclude i want you to check whether you are a driver or a passenger.
Winners are people like you
Hi everyone
I hope you are all fine. I will like to thank you for your positive response. This week i want to share with you a poem that i hope will be palatable to your taste buds of inspiration. Enjoy.
Winners are people like you ( anonymous)
Winners take chances like everyone else, they fear falling, but they refuse to let fear control them. Winners don't give up when life gets rough, they hang in until the going gets better.
Winners are flexible. They realize there is more than one way and are willing to try others. Winners know they are not perfect. They respect their weaknesses while making the most of their strengths.
Winners fall but they don't stay down. They stubbornly refuse to let a fall keep them from climbing. Winners don't blame fate for their failures, nor luck for their successes
Winners accept responsibility for their lives. Winners are positive thinkers who see good in all things. From the ordinary, they make the extra-ordinary. Winners believe in their path they have chosen even when it is hard, even when others can't see where they are going.
Winners are patient. They know a goal is only worthy as the effort that is required to achieve it. Winners are people that believe in themselves. They make this world a better place to be.
I hope you are all fine. I will like to thank you for your positive response. This week i want to share with you a poem that i hope will be palatable to your taste buds of inspiration. Enjoy.
Winners are people like you ( anonymous)
Winners take chances like everyone else, they fear falling, but they refuse to let fear control them. Winners don't give up when life gets rough, they hang in until the going gets better.
Winners are flexible. They realize there is more than one way and are willing to try others. Winners know they are not perfect. They respect their weaknesses while making the most of their strengths.
Winners fall but they don't stay down. They stubbornly refuse to let a fall keep them from climbing. Winners don't blame fate for their failures, nor luck for their successes
Winners accept responsibility for their lives. Winners are positive thinkers who see good in all things. From the ordinary, they make the extra-ordinary. Winners believe in their path they have chosen even when it is hard, even when others can't see where they are going.
Winners are patient. They know a goal is only worthy as the effort that is required to achieve it. Winners are people that believe in themselves. They make this world a better place to be.
THE WORLD IS A MIRROR
Hi everyone, i trust that all is well with you. I just want to share with you something that i posted on my profile. I hope you will enjoy it
Yesterday morning while preparing myself for work, i kept checking myself on the mirror to see if everything was ok. And out of nowhere a poem just popped out. A poem which i have titled: The world is a mirror. In other words the world will give you a reflection of what you are. The poem goes like this:
The world will not respect you until you learn to respect yourself
The world will not care for you until you have learned to care for yourself
The world will not love you until you learn to love yourself
The world will not believe in you until you learn to believe in yourself
The world will not applaud you until you learn to applaud yourself
The world will not help you until you learn to stand on your own two feet
The world will not admire you until you learn to appreciate yourself
Remember, the world is a mirror.
The world will not know about you until you step out and do what you are supposed to do
The world will not celebrate you until you do what what will bring you success
The world will not be friendly with you until you learn to be friendly yourself
The world will not be a podium until you learn to perform on the stage of life
The world will not pay you handsomely until you learn to work for yourself
The world will not teach you anything until you are willing to learn something
new
Remember, the world is a mirror.
The world will not cheer you up until you learn to cheer yourself
Everything starts with you
The world is just a reflection of who you really are
Remember, the world is a mirror
Yesterday morning while preparing myself for work, i kept checking myself on the mirror to see if everything was ok. And out of nowhere a poem just popped out. A poem which i have titled: The world is a mirror. In other words the world will give you a reflection of what you are. The poem goes like this:
The world will not respect you until you learn to respect yourself
The world will not care for you until you have learned to care for yourself
The world will not love you until you learn to love yourself
The world will not believe in you until you learn to believe in yourself
The world will not applaud you until you learn to applaud yourself
The world will not help you until you learn to stand on your own two feet
The world will not admire you until you learn to appreciate yourself
Remember, the world is a mirror.
The world will not know about you until you step out and do what you are supposed to do
The world will not celebrate you until you do what what will bring you success
The world will not be friendly with you until you learn to be friendly yourself
The world will not be a podium until you learn to perform on the stage of life
The world will not pay you handsomely until you learn to work for yourself
The world will not teach you anything until you are willing to learn something
new
Remember, the world is a mirror.
The world will not cheer you up until you learn to cheer yourself
Everything starts with you
The world is just a reflection of who you really are
Remember, the world is a mirror
Message by George Carlin
Hi everyone,
This week i want to share with you a message that i received in my mailbox. i hope you will be inspired. Amessage by George Carlin. Enjoy.
"The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
This week i want to share with you a message that i received in my mailbox. i hope you will be inspired. Amessage by George Carlin. Enjoy.
"The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Self Education
If you don't take the effort to be informed you will end up deformed. Life is build upon information. The more you implement what you know, the better you will become. The difference between the rich and wealthy and followers and leaders is information. Those who are informed always find themselves ahead of the ignorant masses. Information is to your mind what food is to your body. Information helps you to build your mental muscles. But sadly, many don't see the importance of investing in information. They neglect feeding their minds. Hence reading is a habit of the few successful giants while ignorance continue to be a daily diet of the majority who are struggling.
There is a story of a rich uncle who bought his nephew a gift for his wedding. When the nephew unwrapped the gift, he found inside a bible. The nephew didn't even bother to read it, he placed the bible in a box. Eight years down the line, his daughter came from school with a homework that required the bible as a form of reference. The father immediately started searching for the bible and he found it in a box covered in the same old wrapper. As he unwrapped it, something fell from the bible. When the nephew examined, he found that it was a cheque for 500 000 Rands (72000 dolllars) written in his name.
The sad part was that the uncle who wrote it passed away and was buried two years ago. The nephew who was now in debts cried because his loving uncle gave him money but he wasn't able to access it because of his reluctance to read the bible. So, my friend, i don't want you to be like this nephew. There is so much you can gain by reading. For those who like reading, keep it up, but for those who haven't started yet, i want to help by refering you to one of my favourate websites, where you can download different books for different subjects for free. The website: www.whitedovebooks.co.uk. Please tell me if its making a difference.
There is a story of a rich uncle who bought his nephew a gift for his wedding. When the nephew unwrapped the gift, he found inside a bible. The nephew didn't even bother to read it, he placed the bible in a box. Eight years down the line, his daughter came from school with a homework that required the bible as a form of reference. The father immediately started searching for the bible and he found it in a box covered in the same old wrapper. As he unwrapped it, something fell from the bible. When the nephew examined, he found that it was a cheque for 500 000 Rands (72000 dolllars) written in his name.
The sad part was that the uncle who wrote it passed away and was buried two years ago. The nephew who was now in debts cried because his loving uncle gave him money but he wasn't able to access it because of his reluctance to read the bible. So, my friend, i don't want you to be like this nephew. There is so much you can gain by reading. For those who like reading, keep it up, but for those who haven't started yet, i want to help by refering you to one of my favourate websites, where you can download different books for different subjects for free. The website: www.whitedovebooks.co.uk. Please tell me if its making a difference.
Step ladder of hardsh
As long as you are alive you are going to go through challenges in your life. Challenges are part of life and they serve different purposes in our lives. Some people use their challenges to go up while some end up being buried. To demonstrate my point, there is a story i have read that i believe will help you in dealing with your struggles.
There once was a little donkey that worked on a very large farm. This donkey was a very hard worker, and was very much appreciated by his master who knew he could count on him to do any manner of odd jobs and farm duties.
One day while hard at work, this donkey fell into a deep pit that the farmer had been digging to use as a well. The donkey cried and cried, and the farmer frantically tried to figure out a way to get the donkey out of the deep hole. However the sides were just too unstable to lower someone down with a rope to tie around the donkey, and as the donkey was panicking and thrashing about, the farmer had the additional concern of one of his farm hands being injured and stuck down the hole too.
Finally, with a heavy heart, the farmer decided it was best to bury the donkey and put it out of its misery. So he and several of his farm hands started shoveling dirt back into the pit.
However, after a few minutes of shoveling, the farmer noticed something. The donkey was shaking off the dirt and stomping it into the ground below him. As it dawned on the farmer what was happening, he called the rest of his farm hands to help shovel, and shovel-full after shovel-full of dirt, the donkey stomped it into the ground making the hole shallower by the minute. Soon the well became nearly filled with dirt and the donkey climbed out to the great relief of the farmer and his workers.
The story of the donkey in the well is timeless, and has circulated the internet more than I can even count. Its message is enduring, for many of us, too, have found ourselves stuck in a situation where we just didn’t know how we’d get through. The metaphorical dirt was poured over our heads, and we either got buried by our problems with no hope of rescue, or we shook the dirt from us and pounded it into the ground to rise victorious.
We always have the choice to be victim or victor. So next time it feels as if you are in that well with no chance of being freed, think of the little donkey who refused to accept that his circumstances were beyond his control; he didn’t give up and he didn’t give in, and you don’t have to either!
There once was a little donkey that worked on a very large farm. This donkey was a very hard worker, and was very much appreciated by his master who knew he could count on him to do any manner of odd jobs and farm duties.
One day while hard at work, this donkey fell into a deep pit that the farmer had been digging to use as a well. The donkey cried and cried, and the farmer frantically tried to figure out a way to get the donkey out of the deep hole. However the sides were just too unstable to lower someone down with a rope to tie around the donkey, and as the donkey was panicking and thrashing about, the farmer had the additional concern of one of his farm hands being injured and stuck down the hole too.
Finally, with a heavy heart, the farmer decided it was best to bury the donkey and put it out of its misery. So he and several of his farm hands started shoveling dirt back into the pit.
However, after a few minutes of shoveling, the farmer noticed something. The donkey was shaking off the dirt and stomping it into the ground below him. As it dawned on the farmer what was happening, he called the rest of his farm hands to help shovel, and shovel-full after shovel-full of dirt, the donkey stomped it into the ground making the hole shallower by the minute. Soon the well became nearly filled with dirt and the donkey climbed out to the great relief of the farmer and his workers.
The story of the donkey in the well is timeless, and has circulated the internet more than I can even count. Its message is enduring, for many of us, too, have found ourselves stuck in a situation where we just didn’t know how we’d get through. The metaphorical dirt was poured over our heads, and we either got buried by our problems with no hope of rescue, or we shook the dirt from us and pounded it into the ground to rise victorious.
We always have the choice to be victim or victor. So next time it feels as if you are in that well with no chance of being freed, think of the little donkey who refused to accept that his circumstances were beyond his control; he didn’t give up and he didn’t give in, and you don’t have to either!
Things and People
Things are supposed to be used and people are supposed to be loved. But sadly, the world loves things and uses people. Have you observed that we always love the message and not the messenger, the song and not the singer, the movie and not the actor, the paint and not the painter, the benefits of friendship and not the friend, the book and not the author and the gifts and not the giver. We always like what people do and not who they really are. We miss the fact that people want to be appreciated, loved and embraced. As Oprah Winfrey rightfully puts it," lots of people want to ride with you in a limo but what you really want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks." Its important to check the people around you to see if they love you for who you are and not for what you have. Its important to check if you love people for who they are and not for what they do.
Because as you move forward, you need the right people in your life. People who will give you support when you are crumbling, strength when you sre weak, comfort when you are hurting,encouragement when you are depressed and hope when everything in your life is gloomy. You need people who will give you unconditional love and support. People you can trust with your life.. So, check yourself and those around you.
Because as you move forward, you need the right people in your life. People who will give you support when you are crumbling, strength when you sre weak, comfort when you are hurting,encouragement when you are depressed and hope when everything in your life is gloomy. You need people who will give you unconditional love and support. People you can trust with your life.. So, check yourself and those around you.
What i have learned
Hi everyone, how are your studies going? Are you still in the same grade or have you passed to the next grade? I know you may be thinking about your studies if you are in a university but what i am talking about is the school called life. We are all in an institution called life where we are suppposed to attend classes on a daily basis. Those who don't learn continue to struggle with life. Just to help you i want to share with you a poem by Kathy kane Hansen. The poem is called what i have learned. Enjoy. I've learned -
that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
I've learned -
that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.
I've learned -
that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned -
that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned -
that you can get by on charm
for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned -
that you shouldn't compare
yourself to the best others can do.
but to the best you can do.
I've learned -
that it's not what happens to people
that's important. It's what they do about it.
I've learned -
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.
I've learned -
that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.
I've learned -
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.
I've learned -
that it's a lot easier
to react than it is to think.
I've learned -
that you should always leave
loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned -
that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.
I've learned -
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.
I've learned -
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.
I've learned -
that regardless of how hot and steamy
a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had better be
something else to take its place.
I've learned -
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
I've learned -
that learning to forgive takes practice.
I've learned -
that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned -
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned -
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned -
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned -
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.
I've learned -
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I've learned -
that just because someone doesn't love you
the way you want them to doesn't mean
they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned -
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned -
that you should never tell a child
their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating, and
what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.
I've learned -
that your family won't always
be there for you. It may seem funny,
but people you aren't related to
can take care of you and love you
and teach you to trust people again.
Families aren't biological.
I've learned -
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you
every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned -
that it isn't always enough
to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn
to forgive yourself.
I've learned -
that no matter how bad
your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned -
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned -
that sometimes when my friends fight,
I'm forced to choose sides
even when I don't want to.
I've learned -
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned -
that sometimes you have to put
the individual ahead of their actions.
I've learned -
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.
I've learned -
that you shouldn't be so
eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.
I've learned -
that two people can look
at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.
I've learned -
that no matter how you try to protect
your children, they will eventually get hurt
and you will hurt in the process.
I've learned -
that there are many ways of falling
and staying in love.
I've learned -
that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves
get farther in life.
I've learned -
that no matter how many friends you have,
if you are their pillar you will feel lonely
and lost at the times you need them most.
I've learned -
that your life can be changed
in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.
I've learned -
that even when you think
you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.
I've learned -
that writing, as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.
I've learned -
that the paradigm we live in
is not all that is offered to us.
I've learned -
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.
I've learned -
that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.
I've learned -
that although the word “love”
can have many different meanings,
it loses value when overly used.
I've learned -
that it's hard to determine
where to draw the line
between being nice and
not hurting people's feelings
and standing up for what you believe.
that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
I've learned -
that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.
I've learned -
that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned -
that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned -
that you can get by on charm
for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned -
that you shouldn't compare
yourself to the best others can do.
but to the best you can do.
I've learned -
that it's not what happens to people
that's important. It's what they do about it.
I've learned -
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.
I've learned -
that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.
I've learned -
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.
I've learned -
that it's a lot easier
to react than it is to think.
I've learned -
that you should always leave
loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned -
that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.
I've learned -
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.
I've learned -
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.
I've learned -
that regardless of how hot and steamy
a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had better be
something else to take its place.
I've learned -
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
I've learned -
that learning to forgive takes practice.
I've learned -
that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned -
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned -
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned -
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned -
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.
I've learned -
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I've learned -
that just because someone doesn't love you
the way you want them to doesn't mean
they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned -
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned -
that you should never tell a child
their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating, and
what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.
I've learned -
that your family won't always
be there for you. It may seem funny,
but people you aren't related to
can take care of you and love you
and teach you to trust people again.
Families aren't biological.
I've learned -
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you
every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned -
that it isn't always enough
to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn
to forgive yourself.
I've learned -
that no matter how bad
your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned -
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned -
that sometimes when my friends fight,
I'm forced to choose sides
even when I don't want to.
I've learned -
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned -
that sometimes you have to put
the individual ahead of their actions.
I've learned -
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.
I've learned -
that you shouldn't be so
eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.
I've learned -
that two people can look
at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.
I've learned -
that no matter how you try to protect
your children, they will eventually get hurt
and you will hurt in the process.
I've learned -
that there are many ways of falling
and staying in love.
I've learned -
that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves
get farther in life.
I've learned -
that no matter how many friends you have,
if you are their pillar you will feel lonely
and lost at the times you need them most.
I've learned -
that your life can be changed
in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.
I've learned -
that even when you think
you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.
I've learned -
that writing, as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.
I've learned -
that the paradigm we live in
is not all that is offered to us.
I've learned -
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.
I've learned -
that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.
I've learned -
that although the word “love”
can have many different meanings,
it loses value when overly used.
I've learned -
that it's hard to determine
where to draw the line
between being nice and
not hurting people's feelings
and standing up for what you believe.
Excerpts from my book
Hi everybody, its been quite a while. I have been busy with a lot of things, among others writing a book and being a father. Well. this week i want to share something from my recently published book, Being Positive in a Negative World: Spiced Weekly Nuggets, just to appetize you. Enjoy. Week 8
As I begin this week’s nugget, I would like to use the words of American researcher and Virologist, Jonas Salk as an ignition to start the engine. “I have had dreams and I have had nightmares, but I have conquered my nightmares because of my dreams.”
Show me a miserable, hopeless person who has given up on life and I will show you somebody who doesn't have or has given up on his dream. Every successful person in life started first as a dreamer.
“When I grow up, I want to be a doctor”. “When I grow up, I want to be a lawyer”, “When I grow up; I want to be a pilot”. These are choruses of innocence that echo through the walls of elementary schools. Children have dreams while adults have problems. Most of the children speak about their dreams while adults are crying and complaining about their bad experiences. Famous Spanish painter Pablo Picasso described it well when he said, “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”
It’s a tragedy that many adults have allowed their dreams to be shrunk by their experiences. A lot of their dreams have been canned in the containers of excuses, fear and past experiences. Instead of pursuing their dreams, many have resigned themselves to a life of survival by contributing to other people’s dreams. Some have even become admirers and spectators of what others have achieved through their dreams. “It is impossible”, “life is tough”, has become some of the quotes used by most adults. A lot of them have abandoned their childhood desire of enjoying life by living their dream; they have instead, opted to live a restrictive, miserable and frustrating life of contributing to other people’s dreams. There is an Australian Aborigine proverb which says, “Those who lose dreaming are lost,” because life without a dream is meaningless. It is like drinking a cup of strong coffee without milk and sugar. A dream is the only sweetener that will bring taste to your life.
As I begin this week’s nugget, I would like to use the words of American researcher and Virologist, Jonas Salk as an ignition to start the engine. “I have had dreams and I have had nightmares, but I have conquered my nightmares because of my dreams.”
Show me a miserable, hopeless person who has given up on life and I will show you somebody who doesn't have or has given up on his dream. Every successful person in life started first as a dreamer.
“When I grow up, I want to be a doctor”. “When I grow up, I want to be a lawyer”, “When I grow up; I want to be a pilot”. These are choruses of innocence that echo through the walls of elementary schools. Children have dreams while adults have problems. Most of the children speak about their dreams while adults are crying and complaining about their bad experiences. Famous Spanish painter Pablo Picasso described it well when he said, “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”
It’s a tragedy that many adults have allowed their dreams to be shrunk by their experiences. A lot of their dreams have been canned in the containers of excuses, fear and past experiences. Instead of pursuing their dreams, many have resigned themselves to a life of survival by contributing to other people’s dreams. Some have even become admirers and spectators of what others have achieved through their dreams. “It is impossible”, “life is tough”, has become some of the quotes used by most adults. A lot of them have abandoned their childhood desire of enjoying life by living their dream; they have instead, opted to live a restrictive, miserable and frustrating life of contributing to other people’s dreams. There is an Australian Aborigine proverb which says, “Those who lose dreaming are lost,” because life without a dream is meaningless. It is like drinking a cup of strong coffee without milk and sugar. A dream is the only sweetener that will bring taste to your life.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Coping with difficult people
Hi everyone. I hope you are all striving to maintain a positive attitude in a world dominated by negativity. I have been thinking lately about some of the challenges we all encounter in our day to day activities. And one of them is dealing with difficult people. Some of these people may be our friends, partners, boss at work, colleagues and even neighbours. So, in an effort to assist you to maintain a positive attitude despite these people, i will like to share with you an article written by psychologist an author, Dr Keith Levick. Enjoy
We work with, play with, service‚ or are related to difficult people. Difficult people yell, explode, and try to intimidate you. If your life is free from these hostile and manipulative people, read no further. However, the probability of encountering these people is extremely likely. Although the difficult people make up 3-5% of the population, they create over 50% of the everyday problems!
Certainly, we all can be miserable, hostile and basically pretty unpleasant at times. But difficult people are this way all the time. A brief encounter with a difficult person leaves one angry, frustrated, and demoralized. These people go right for the jugular vein. The negative behavioral patterns they learned are used strategically to wear you down. Their only objective is to win regardless of who stands in their way.
Difficult people have learned to be this way because it is effective for them. Their hostile and negative behavior serves them well. Their arsenal of aggressive behavior catches their prey off guard and then renders them helpless. Consequently, after a confrontation with these people, it's not unusual to feel mentally abused and frustrated.
The first step in coping with a difficult person is to understand why they behave this way. Generally, these people are unhappy, insecure, and have low self-esteem. Early in life they learned to get their needs met in maladaptive ways, such as, being the bully. Although there are different types of difficult people - some are overly aggressive, while others may be passive-aggressive - their dynamics are similar. Like all human beings, all they want is to be loved and accepted. Unfortunately, they have learned inappropriate ways to achieve this.
These behavioral patterns are deeply ingrained in the personality of the difficult person. The overly-aggressive difficult person (one who bullies, explodes, screams, etc.) uses their aggressive posture as a defense mechanism. Because of their weak and fragile ego, they need to protect themselves. Their best defense is a strong offense-aggression. Therefore, they feel in control of themselves only in a situation that allows them to feel powerful. But it doesn't stop there. Like all weak people, their insatiable need to feel secure makes it necessary for them to win - and to win at any cost.
The second step in trying to cope with difficult people is to distinguish between a person who is having a bad day and one who is a difficult person. Keep in mind that difficult people make up a small percentage of the population. However, having an encounter with one makes that percentage appear larger.
The first way to help distinguish between the two is to reflect on the history of the person. In other words, "Is the behavioral pattern normal or unusual for this person?" The difficult person is this way all of the time. A non-difficult person who is having a bad day is just reacting to a particular situation.
Another approach in distinguishing between the difficult person and a person having a bad day is found in the way you communicate with them. Although hostile at first, the non-difficult person will eventually respond to your effective communication and rational reasoning. The difficult person will be relentless in their pursuit to beat you and win.
To help you maintain composure when confronted by difficult people, it is important to keep three things in mind. First, you can never change the difficult person. The old saying that a leopard never loses its spots holds true with the difficult person. These people need to be this way and for them to change is to expose their vulnerability.
When confronted by difficult people, remain focused and be firm. Like spiders spinning their webs, they are trying to trap you. By bombarding your ego with insults and intimidation, they want you to lose control and fight with them. When this happens, they "got-ya." Listen to them, maintain direct eye contact and when appropriate speak in a clear firm voice. It is easy to become wrapped up in the heated situation, so remain detached and distant from these people. Doing so helps keep you from becoming entangled in their web of misery and hostility.
The final step that will help you cope with the difficult person is to not personalize the problem. Certainly, this is easier said than done. Between wishing they would be different, thinking you can really help them, and trying to survive their emotional assault, it's difficult not to internalize the problem. Yet, in order to cope effectively with these people, it is crucial to maintain your self-esteem.
Some of the following thoughts might be helpful in your attempt to depersonalize the situation:
"This is their problem, I will not make it mine."
"I'm not going to allow anyone to dictate my behavior."
"They want me to fight with them, I won't allow it."
"Their need to be difficult is a cover-up for their own inadequacies."
"I have the choice to play or not this game."
The bottom line is that trying to cope with difficult people is never easy and is quite frustrating. Trust the fact that all people have trouble dealing with difficult people. Although it may not seem possible to deal with difficult people effectively, remain confident in your abilities and coping skills. And keep in mind that engaging in an argument with these people is a no-win proposition. In fact, the only way for you to win is to elect not to play.
We work with, play with, service‚ or are related to difficult people. Difficult people yell, explode, and try to intimidate you. If your life is free from these hostile and manipulative people, read no further. However, the probability of encountering these people is extremely likely. Although the difficult people make up 3-5% of the population, they create over 50% of the everyday problems!
Certainly, we all can be miserable, hostile and basically pretty unpleasant at times. But difficult people are this way all the time. A brief encounter with a difficult person leaves one angry, frustrated, and demoralized. These people go right for the jugular vein. The negative behavioral patterns they learned are used strategically to wear you down. Their only objective is to win regardless of who stands in their way.
Difficult people have learned to be this way because it is effective for them. Their hostile and negative behavior serves them well. Their arsenal of aggressive behavior catches their prey off guard and then renders them helpless. Consequently, after a confrontation with these people, it's not unusual to feel mentally abused and frustrated.
The first step in coping with a difficult person is to understand why they behave this way. Generally, these people are unhappy, insecure, and have low self-esteem. Early in life they learned to get their needs met in maladaptive ways, such as, being the bully. Although there are different types of difficult people - some are overly aggressive, while others may be passive-aggressive - their dynamics are similar. Like all human beings, all they want is to be loved and accepted. Unfortunately, they have learned inappropriate ways to achieve this.
These behavioral patterns are deeply ingrained in the personality of the difficult person. The overly-aggressive difficult person (one who bullies, explodes, screams, etc.) uses their aggressive posture as a defense mechanism. Because of their weak and fragile ego, they need to protect themselves. Their best defense is a strong offense-aggression. Therefore, they feel in control of themselves only in a situation that allows them to feel powerful. But it doesn't stop there. Like all weak people, their insatiable need to feel secure makes it necessary for them to win - and to win at any cost.
The second step in trying to cope with difficult people is to distinguish between a person who is having a bad day and one who is a difficult person. Keep in mind that difficult people make up a small percentage of the population. However, having an encounter with one makes that percentage appear larger.
The first way to help distinguish between the two is to reflect on the history of the person. In other words, "Is the behavioral pattern normal or unusual for this person?" The difficult person is this way all of the time. A non-difficult person who is having a bad day is just reacting to a particular situation.
Another approach in distinguishing between the difficult person and a person having a bad day is found in the way you communicate with them. Although hostile at first, the non-difficult person will eventually respond to your effective communication and rational reasoning. The difficult person will be relentless in their pursuit to beat you and win.
To help you maintain composure when confronted by difficult people, it is important to keep three things in mind. First, you can never change the difficult person. The old saying that a leopard never loses its spots holds true with the difficult person. These people need to be this way and for them to change is to expose their vulnerability.
When confronted by difficult people, remain focused and be firm. Like spiders spinning their webs, they are trying to trap you. By bombarding your ego with insults and intimidation, they want you to lose control and fight with them. When this happens, they "got-ya." Listen to them, maintain direct eye contact and when appropriate speak in a clear firm voice. It is easy to become wrapped up in the heated situation, so remain detached and distant from these people. Doing so helps keep you from becoming entangled in their web of misery and hostility.
The final step that will help you cope with the difficult person is to not personalize the problem. Certainly, this is easier said than done. Between wishing they would be different, thinking you can really help them, and trying to survive their emotional assault, it's difficult not to internalize the problem. Yet, in order to cope effectively with these people, it is crucial to maintain your self-esteem.
Some of the following thoughts might be helpful in your attempt to depersonalize the situation:
"This is their problem, I will not make it mine."
"I'm not going to allow anyone to dictate my behavior."
"They want me to fight with them, I won't allow it."
"Their need to be difficult is a cover-up for their own inadequacies."
"I have the choice to play or not this game."
The bottom line is that trying to cope with difficult people is never easy and is quite frustrating. Trust the fact that all people have trouble dealing with difficult people. Although it may not seem possible to deal with difficult people effectively, remain confident in your abilities and coping skills. And keep in mind that engaging in an argument with these people is a no-win proposition. In fact, the only way for you to win is to elect not to play.
An Eagle in a chicken Barnyard
Hi everyone, hope all is well. This week i will like to share with you a an inspirational story as told by motivational speaker, Matthew Arnold Stern. Enjoy.
An eagle in a chicken barnyard by Matthew Arnold.
The following is a speech I presented at Irvine Toastmasters on 30 April, 1996. I took a well-known motivational story I read back in my "self-help" days and added a twist to it.
Some time ago, my travels took me to San Bernardino County. I was driving up highway 215 through the agricultural area. The trip was uneventful. I passed miles and miles of farms and cattle ranges until something unusual caught my attention.
I pulled off the highway and drove over to a chicken farm at the side of the road. I noticed a flock of chickens eating their breakfast of grain and seeds in the yard, but I saw a bird in the middle of the flock that clearly wasn't a chicken. I took a closer look. It was a golden eagle -- a beautiful male one with golden brown feathers. I could tell that if it opened its wings, it would have a massive wingspan.
But what was more unusual than the fact that this eagle would be in the middle of a flock of chickens was that it acted like a chicken. It scratched its talons in the dirt. It used its massive curved and pointed beak to dig seeds and grains out of the ground. It even sounded like a chicken -- "Bwack, bwack, bwack, bwack!"
Puzzled, I decided to go into the farm and investigate. I spoke to the farmer, who was a tall, lanky man, and he told me what happened:
"One day, I was working in the yard when I saw this nest up in a tree. I could tell that the nest had been abandoned for some time. I looked up in that nest, and I saw this egg. I knew that if I left that egg there, it wasn't gonna last too long. So, I took it back and put it in my incubator. And one day, it hatched. And there was this baby eagle. Well, the only thing I could do was to raise it with my chickens."
I said, "You saved that eagle's life, but look what happened to it. It now thinks it's a chicken."
The farmer agreed, "Yes, I know."
I added, "You know, it's a shame for such a majestic, beautiful bird to be living like a lowly chicken instead of soaring in the air."
The farmer said, "I thoroughly agree with you."
I exclaimed, "And we ought to do something to help it!"
This was when the farmer began to protest. "Sir, there's something you must know..."
But I wasn't in the mood for any disagreement. "This eagle is living far below its potential. It needs to reach the full flowering of its eaglehood. It need to be a self-actualized eagle!"
"I agree with you, sir," the farmer argued, "But there's something you must know..."
I grew impatient. "Well, if you won't help this poor eagle, I will!"
So, I went back to the car and got my falconry gloves (which I always carry with me). I picked up the eagle and put him in my car.
We drove into the mountains. We went up a steep and winding road until we came to a bluff overlooking the valley. It was a beautiful view, and I could tell there were plenty of warm air currents for the eagle to glide upon.
So I told the eagle, "Look at these beautiful skies. Wouldn't you like to spread your wings and soar in them? Wouldn't you like to explore this beautiful valley and be master of all you survey. C'mon, buddy. Spread your wings and take off!"
You know, that bird didn't a budge an inch. It sat on my arms for hours! So, I decided it was time to try another approach.
So we drove down the mountain until we came to a meadow in the foothills. I noticed that there were plenty of field mice scurrying around. They didn't look tasty to me, but I figured my feathered friend would consider them filet mignon with fur.
I said to the eagle, "Look at all these mice running around here. I bet you'd find them tastier than the grain and seeds you've been eating. Wouldn't you like to fly off my arm and chow down?"
Well, the eagle did jump off my arm. I was beginning to feel optimistic, but that eagle just hopped down on the ground and started digging around for seeds.
I was beginning to get frustrated. So, I drove back up the mountain until I came to a large pine tree. Around the tree was a large group of eagles. There was about ten or twelve birds. And at the top of the tree was a beautiful female eagle. She had the same colors as the eagle I had. I figured biology must take over at this point.
I said to the eagle, "Look up there! Don't you see that beautiful lady eagle? Doesn't she look like the type of eagle you want to make eggs with? Don't you want to fly up there and introduce yourself? Maybe ask her out for cappuccino? C'mon, buddy. What do you think?"
The eagle just cocked back his head and said, "Cock-a-doodle-doo!"
I had had enough. I put the eagle back in my car and drove back to the chicken farm. The farmer was waiting for me at the door.
"How did you do?," he asked me.
"Terrible. Nothing I did got that eagle to stop being a chicken. I took him up to a bluff in the mountains, thinking he would take flight. But, he wouldn't budge."
The farmer nodded.
"Then, I took him to a meadow where there was plenty of field mice. It was practically an eagle smorgasbord. But, he wanted to dig for seeds instead."
Again, the farmer nodded.
"Then, I took him to a flock of other eagles like him. I introduced him to the Playboy Playmate of eagles. But all he did was crow like a rooster."
The farmer again nodded. Then, he said, "You see, sir. That's what I was trying to tell you. I've been trying for years to get that eagle to stop being a chicken. I tried all of the same things you did and more. I took him to an eagle psychologist. I bought him subliminal eagle motivation tapes. I even shouted at him and threatened to leave him up in the mountains. Nothing I did worked. So, I decided I would just let him be a chicken until he decides to change."
I replied, "But what if never decides to change? What if he stays a chicken all his life?"
"Well, it would be sad," the farmer said. "It would a waste of his life. But, if that's what he wants to be, there's nothing I can do about it."
I came away disappointed, but I learned two valuable lessons:
I learned that you can't force a person to change. It doesn't matter whether you want that person to change. It doesn't matter if you need that person to change. A person will not change until he or she is ready to change.
If you want to make a change in your life, you have to motivate yourself. Don't look to others to force you to change.
An eagle in a chicken barnyard by Matthew Arnold.
The following is a speech I presented at Irvine Toastmasters on 30 April, 1996. I took a well-known motivational story I read back in my "self-help" days and added a twist to it.
Some time ago, my travels took me to San Bernardino County. I was driving up highway 215 through the agricultural area. The trip was uneventful. I passed miles and miles of farms and cattle ranges until something unusual caught my attention.
I pulled off the highway and drove over to a chicken farm at the side of the road. I noticed a flock of chickens eating their breakfast of grain and seeds in the yard, but I saw a bird in the middle of the flock that clearly wasn't a chicken. I took a closer look. It was a golden eagle -- a beautiful male one with golden brown feathers. I could tell that if it opened its wings, it would have a massive wingspan.
But what was more unusual than the fact that this eagle would be in the middle of a flock of chickens was that it acted like a chicken. It scratched its talons in the dirt. It used its massive curved and pointed beak to dig seeds and grains out of the ground. It even sounded like a chicken -- "Bwack, bwack, bwack, bwack!"
Puzzled, I decided to go into the farm and investigate. I spoke to the farmer, who was a tall, lanky man, and he told me what happened:
"One day, I was working in the yard when I saw this nest up in a tree. I could tell that the nest had been abandoned for some time. I looked up in that nest, and I saw this egg. I knew that if I left that egg there, it wasn't gonna last too long. So, I took it back and put it in my incubator. And one day, it hatched. And there was this baby eagle. Well, the only thing I could do was to raise it with my chickens."
I said, "You saved that eagle's life, but look what happened to it. It now thinks it's a chicken."
The farmer agreed, "Yes, I know."
I added, "You know, it's a shame for such a majestic, beautiful bird to be living like a lowly chicken instead of soaring in the air."
The farmer said, "I thoroughly agree with you."
I exclaimed, "And we ought to do something to help it!"
This was when the farmer began to protest. "Sir, there's something you must know..."
But I wasn't in the mood for any disagreement. "This eagle is living far below its potential. It needs to reach the full flowering of its eaglehood. It need to be a self-actualized eagle!"
"I agree with you, sir," the farmer argued, "But there's something you must know..."
I grew impatient. "Well, if you won't help this poor eagle, I will!"
So, I went back to the car and got my falconry gloves (which I always carry with me). I picked up the eagle and put him in my car.
We drove into the mountains. We went up a steep and winding road until we came to a bluff overlooking the valley. It was a beautiful view, and I could tell there were plenty of warm air currents for the eagle to glide upon.
So I told the eagle, "Look at these beautiful skies. Wouldn't you like to spread your wings and soar in them? Wouldn't you like to explore this beautiful valley and be master of all you survey. C'mon, buddy. Spread your wings and take off!"
You know, that bird didn't a budge an inch. It sat on my arms for hours! So, I decided it was time to try another approach.
So we drove down the mountain until we came to a meadow in the foothills. I noticed that there were plenty of field mice scurrying around. They didn't look tasty to me, but I figured my feathered friend would consider them filet mignon with fur.
I said to the eagle, "Look at all these mice running around here. I bet you'd find them tastier than the grain and seeds you've been eating. Wouldn't you like to fly off my arm and chow down?"
Well, the eagle did jump off my arm. I was beginning to feel optimistic, but that eagle just hopped down on the ground and started digging around for seeds.
I was beginning to get frustrated. So, I drove back up the mountain until I came to a large pine tree. Around the tree was a large group of eagles. There was about ten or twelve birds. And at the top of the tree was a beautiful female eagle. She had the same colors as the eagle I had. I figured biology must take over at this point.
I said to the eagle, "Look up there! Don't you see that beautiful lady eagle? Doesn't she look like the type of eagle you want to make eggs with? Don't you want to fly up there and introduce yourself? Maybe ask her out for cappuccino? C'mon, buddy. What do you think?"
The eagle just cocked back his head and said, "Cock-a-doodle-doo!"
I had had enough. I put the eagle back in my car and drove back to the chicken farm. The farmer was waiting for me at the door.
"How did you do?," he asked me.
"Terrible. Nothing I did got that eagle to stop being a chicken. I took him up to a bluff in the mountains, thinking he would take flight. But, he wouldn't budge."
The farmer nodded.
"Then, I took him to a meadow where there was plenty of field mice. It was practically an eagle smorgasbord. But, he wanted to dig for seeds instead."
Again, the farmer nodded.
"Then, I took him to a flock of other eagles like him. I introduced him to the Playboy Playmate of eagles. But all he did was crow like a rooster."
The farmer again nodded. Then, he said, "You see, sir. That's what I was trying to tell you. I've been trying for years to get that eagle to stop being a chicken. I tried all of the same things you did and more. I took him to an eagle psychologist. I bought him subliminal eagle motivation tapes. I even shouted at him and threatened to leave him up in the mountains. Nothing I did worked. So, I decided I would just let him be a chicken until he decides to change."
I replied, "But what if never decides to change? What if he stays a chicken all his life?"
"Well, it would be sad," the farmer said. "It would a waste of his life. But, if that's what he wants to be, there's nothing I can do about it."
I came away disappointed, but I learned two valuable lessons:
I learned that you can't force a person to change. It doesn't matter whether you want that person to change. It doesn't matter if you need that person to change. A person will not change until he or she is ready to change.
If you want to make a change in your life, you have to motivate yourself. Don't look to others to force you to change.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
WINNERS VS LOSERS
We all have or are going to encounter challenges in our lives. And our challenges come in various sizes at various seasons. The only people who are exempted from all these are those who are residing in a cemetery. In more simpler terms, those who have passed away. So, if you are alive know that one way or the other, you are going to encounter traffic lights of struggles, speed humps of disappointments, stop signs of betrayal, congested traffic of delays and road blocks of discouragements. But take note that if you don't give up you will end up arriving in your destination of success. After all you are the one who decides whether to be a loser or winner. This is echoed in the following poem; Winners versus losers.
The winner is always a part of the answer; the loser is always a part of the problem.
The winner always has a programme; the loser always has an excuse.
The winner says, "let me do it for you;"
The loser says,"thats not my job."
The winner sees an answer for every problem;
The loser sees a problem in every answer.
The winner says,"it may be difficult but it's possible,"
The loser says," it may be possible but it's too difficult."
unknown
The winner is always a part of the answer; the loser is always a part of the problem.
The winner always has a programme; the loser always has an excuse.
The winner says, "let me do it for you;"
The loser says,"thats not my job."
The winner sees an answer for every problem;
The loser sees a problem in every answer.
The winner says,"it may be difficult but it's possible,"
The loser says," it may be possible but it's too difficult."
unknown
The way to success
Hi everyone, hope all is well with you. I just want to share with you an inspirational poem that i believe will energize you in your pursuit of maintaining a positive attitude in a negative world. As you all know we need to take supplements for our minds. Enjoy. 1. The Way to Success
failure may outnumber success, failure is there to make you strong
failure may cause pain but nothing goes in vain
failure keeps you in touch with reality
failure gives wisdom
failure gives experience
cowards don’t fail
It’s for the brave who leave the shore to sail into unknown
failure is a stop in the journey of life, don’t stop at the bend
today’s failure would be tomorrow’s bigger success
failure is the cradle in which success rocks.
failure is not a sin
failure is the first step for success
failure teaches you how to succeed
failure always helps in your success
failure helps you from failing
if you fail, it’s not the end of the world
try!
success will definitely be on your way
so will run away your failure
but…
never forget your failure in life which helped you in your
SUCCESS (author unknown)
failure may outnumber success, failure is there to make you strong
failure may cause pain but nothing goes in vain
failure keeps you in touch with reality
failure gives wisdom
failure gives experience
cowards don’t fail
It’s for the brave who leave the shore to sail into unknown
failure is a stop in the journey of life, don’t stop at the bend
today’s failure would be tomorrow’s bigger success
failure is the cradle in which success rocks.
failure is not a sin
failure is the first step for success
failure teaches you how to succeed
failure always helps in your success
failure helps you from failing
if you fail, it’s not the end of the world
try!
success will definitely be on your way
so will run away your failure
but…
never forget your failure in life which helped you in your
SUCCESS (author unknown)
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
the story of an echo
Hi everyone, i hope all is well. I would like to share with you a story that i believe will inspire you.
A boy was walking with his father in a mountain and suddenly, the son falls, hurts himself and screams:
“AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”
To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating,
somewhere in the mountain: “AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”
Curious, he yells: “Who are you?”
He receives the answer: “Who are you?”
Angered at the response, he screams: “Coward!”
He receives the answer: “Coward!”
He looks to his father and asks: “What’s going on?”
The father smiles and says: “My son, pay attention.”
And then he screams to the mountain: “I admire you!”
The voice answers: “I admire you!”
Again the man screams: “You are a champion!”
The voice answers: “You are a champion!”
The boy is surprised, but does not understand.
Then the father explains: “People call this ECHO,
but really this is LIFE.
It gives you back everything you say or do.
Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.
If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart.
If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence.
This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life;
Life will give you back everything you have given to it.
YOUR LIFE IS NOT A COINCIDENCE. IT’S A REFLECTION OF YOU!
A boy was walking with his father in a mountain and suddenly, the son falls, hurts himself and screams:
“AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”
To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating,
somewhere in the mountain: “AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”
Curious, he yells: “Who are you?”
He receives the answer: “Who are you?”
Angered at the response, he screams: “Coward!”
He receives the answer: “Coward!”
He looks to his father and asks: “What’s going on?”
The father smiles and says: “My son, pay attention.”
And then he screams to the mountain: “I admire you!”
The voice answers: “I admire you!”
Again the man screams: “You are a champion!”
The voice answers: “You are a champion!”
The boy is surprised, but does not understand.
Then the father explains: “People call this ECHO,
but really this is LIFE.
It gives you back everything you say or do.
Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.
If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart.
If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence.
This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life;
Life will give you back everything you have given to it.
YOUR LIFE IS NOT A COINCIDENCE. IT’S A REFLECTION OF YOU!
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